Solo in Somerville tomorrow night, Bon Iver can bite one.

Mike Noordzy -you’ve heard of that guy- is hosting a weekly songwriter’s night at Division Street Music Shop in Somerville and the first installment is tomorrow night.

Let me translate that into Hipster: “there’s a happening at DSMS. it’s curated. gonna be sorta rad.”

I’m playing, billed as Ben Ross. I’ll do some 117 material, maybe work out some new stuff, and probably play this song:

I’ve always really loved this song, because it’s a exception to so many rules. It’s a pop torch song that’s really really sad but avoids being melodramatic. The words are powerful but simple; an 8th grader could have written them but they convey real adult feelings. And Raitt and Hornsby played the piss out of it on this recording, but but it’s not flashy or overproduced. I think my version will be even more understated, mostly cuz I ain’t got the chops!

But then I’m tooling around YouTube and I see the Bon Iver version. And I know this guy won a pickup truck full of Grammy’s, so I listened. And it’s all about useless trills and phony white boy affectations. Like you really mean it, Iver. With his stupid beard and his big dumb face. Fuck him. He sucks. He’s not me. My beard’s better. My beard won an award too. I’m done with Jon Mayer, everyone knows he sucks. My new celebremy is Bon Iver. That’s right Iver, I’m coming for you. First I’m gonna pronounce it “EYE-ver.” I don’t care if it’s right. “Hey EYE-ver, you been out stealing money from poor people with SUFF-jan Stevens?” Ha! I even kinda like Sufjan Stevens sometimes but I’m too busy not giving a fuck. Then I’m gonna keep hating him even though I haven’t heard hardly any of his music. Take that. I’m not ignorant. How much of my music have you heard? But I bet you still hate me. Hate all you want, I’m cooler. Have fun dating the wrong TV star in 6 years and doing shame drugs cuz you forgot how to write cool songs, if you ever did. I wouldn’t know cuz I haven’t listened.     Jerk.

I mean, just look at him.

That was wrong but it felt right.

OK, so the show…
Tue March 1st, 7-10pm
Division Street Music Shop,
19 Division St. Somerville NJ
Mike Noordzy’s Immaginary Music
Ben Ross
Youth League and the Spies
It’s FREE and ALL AGES and it’s also at a music store, as in instruments.

Saint Show 2/19/12

Gonna try and sing sick tonight at The Saint. Pat gave my honey rooibos. Wish me luck.

Sunday February 19th
7pm EARLY at The Saint 
601 Main St. Asbury Park, NJ
$8 18+
Accidental Seabirds
Puppy Grease
No Use For Humans (featuring my housemate Mike “Deli” DelGrasso on cell phone noise)
Otis’s Gun Stash
Sir Dove (aka SRDV, featuring me on bass)
Thieves of Leviticus
…Here it is on FB.

Jack’s Back and So are We

Jack’s been back.
Wait, who?
Jack “Jacko” Monahan.
Where did he go?
Well he’s not booking the Brighton anymore.
Oh, so no ridiculous New Year’s Eve show with Slumlord aka. Mau Mau Tsunami in zany constumes?
Not so. He books EJ’s tavern in seaside. And we’re doing New Year’s, it’s just gonna be the night before New Year’s.
The 30th?
Yeah.

Full lineup:
SLUMLORD
117
HIPSHOTS
REBEL PAWN
XYLOPHONE OF WRENCH

8pm Dec 30th 2011
EJ’s Tavern Music Co-op
919 Boardwalk, Seaside Heights, NJ 08751
21+ to enter and get tore up.
Did I mention, NO COVER??? FREE PARKING???

*This is a Small Socialisms Production. You and your can band can maybe play one of these too. Email me and I’ll put you in touch with people who know people.

“Charles In Charge” theme cover for charity

…Except this version is the “In Furs” addition. Why mash it up with the Velvets’ S&M anthem? Take a long, hard, steely look at the lyrics:

New boy in the neighborhood
Lives downstairs and it’s understood
He’s there just to take good care of me
Like he’s one of the family

Charles in charge of our days and our nights
Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights
And I see I want Charles in charge of me

$5 for the charity album goes to Asbury Park’s Mercy Center.

HERE’S THE DOWNLOAD FROM NACHT RECORDS!

And wish us luck in the big game this Saturday!

Connecticut Love

Two crazy nights in the Nutmeg State. What could go wrong? This has the makings of an Adam Sandler film.

Tonight! Friday July 15
5pm EARLY at the Pigeon Hole in New London, CT
19 Union St., New London, CT
$5 donations for touring bands like me.
Darren Deicide
Mark Leonard
Mike Arsenault

Saturday July 16, 10pm @ PJ O’Connor’s in Jewett City, CT
10 S Main St, Jewett City, CT
$3 for one person, $5 for 2
It’s Jim’s birthday! We don’t know Jim yet, but I bet he’s a great guy and it’s gonna be great!
Darren Deicide
Catfish Phillips

SUMMER SONG SUMMER TOUR

SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER BBQ BBQ BEACHTOWEL BEACHTOWEL SUN SUN SUN SUN FUN FUN FU N FUNNNN GO SURFIN WIT DIS!

July 14th in Cambridge cancelled by All Asia. Who cares? Maybe we’ll replace it? Who knows? Find out soon!

NEW ENGLAND TOUR WITH DARREN DEICIDE!

Friday, July 15
The Pigeon Hole – New London, CT

Saturday, July 16
PJ O’Conor’s – Jewett City, CT

Sunday, July 17
***CANCELLED***

Seaside Anti-Fest, 117 Plays Friday 5/20

I know my photoshop skills aren’t the greatest but damned if looking at this doesn’t crack me up. It’s an unbelievable learning experience to compare “guido” pics to black metal band photos. Not spoof ones, real ones. Same poses. The face contortions, ridiculous hair and makeup choices are different, but they come from the same inner place. Irony is, these genres of male human rarely interact, and if they did, they would 100% hate each other. Why can’t they see they’re cut from the same cloth? It’s like religious fundamentalists. They curse each other from across oceans but if only they could see how their sick delusional ideas are parallels for each others’, and that together they sing the chorus of human expression. Look up at that picture again. Look at it! What you’re looking at is what world peace looks like. Dream.

We’re going to try to bring our tiny worlds together this Friday at EJ’s on the Seaside Boardwalk, 919 Boardwalk to be precise. It’s day 2 of the anti-show of the Seaside Music Festival, curated by Pat Veil. It’s a FREE SHOW at a bar, which not only means that you could go, but also that you could easily invite one of the typical Seaside frequenters (see above) in for a drink. Let’s reach out an olive branch. They’re just like us, only on steroids, racist, and drinking Bud Lite.

View Larger Map